Dear Mom

I was just reading this article about Mary, and thinking about the conversation earlier today.

But that is what a mother does. She reassures. She works for her family. She serves. She carries on and carries forward, doing the things that need to be done. Even if all the while, her heart is pierced with a sword of deep and lasting sorrow.

Even though I’m not there yet, I know from your example how very true that is. We talked today about some of the roughest times, and how we all tried to cope with things we were never prepared for and couldn’t understand except in hindsight, such a long time later. But I hope you know that even in the worst moments, our lives were still surrounded by beauty, and I saw that, too. That was another conscious choice I made – to still see what was good about where we were at any given time. Of course I didn’t always succeed, but mostly I did, and that’s why I still love the lake so much.

The other thing I wanted to say, before it slips my mind, is that I’ve never had any regrets. Not to say I’m not sorry about anything, or that I haven’t made mistakes or wished that something had worked out better, just that there’s nothing for me personally that I would go back and change, though of course if it were up to me, maybe I’d be tempted to change things for someone else. Or maybe not, because there are four wonderful kids who probably wouldn’t exist, had things been different. See what I mean? Everything that was leads up to now. And I wake up every day so grateful for the life I have. I am astounded, constantly, at how good – how truly blessed – it is, and that could never have happened if you hadn’t fought so hard, even against your own fears, to do the best you could for us. And so often, the worst things imaginable led to some of the best.

I guess my point is, it’s easy, especially for our family, to just paint whole chunks of time and place as having been nothing but bad. But that was never true. I learned how to see that, because you taught me.

Love Julie

Memory Hole

Every once in a while, I come across something – usually an image, but it could be a scent or a sound or a taste – that takes me back. Not to a specific time or place, but that particular timelessness of a blend of memories, the kind that most everyone who was ever at such a time and place hold in common.

This post at Sippy’s place inspired such a memory, a while back. For whatever reason, today I thought it might be worth sharing. Maybe you remember it, too.

(“Safeway Interior” by Ralph Goings, 1974)

For anyone who was in a grocery store in the 70s (and even early 80s), it brings back a whole host of sensory memories: the heat of the summer sun beating through the window mixed with the cool air-conditioned shadows; the subtle smells of styrofoam, charcoal and potting soil warmed by those same windows; the anticipation of a bank of gumball machines by the doors (and the plea for a nickel or dime to put in the machine); a box of animal crackers, clutched in a chubby toddler’s hand by the little string across the top; the baking asphalt outside; and oddly enough, the cars – oven hot, smelling of a particular combination of vinyl, glass, metal and plastic, the heavy creaking and thunking sounds of solid metal doors opening and closing, the bouncing suspension as groceries and siblings get loaded in, burning hot seats that make the skin sweat and stick, and cracks in the vinyl that pinch unwary legs, an 8-track cassette sticking out of the car stereo…

I could go on, but you get the picture. I’ll bet you were there, too.

-o.o-

A Momentary Thought(lessness)

“Hi. My name is Julie, and I’m a complete and utter fool.”

See, it’s good to be able to admit that. So that, as is often the case, when I have a problem with something and ask an expert for advice, and they give me that look (and even if they have a poker face, I know they must be marveling that I’ve managed to get through life thus far apparently intact; it’s something I find astounding on a near daily basis, anyway), I can just smile and acknowledge the painfully obvious fact that I might as well stamp “Noob” on my forehead. The benefit of this is that said expert is then usually happy to assist in my enlightenment.

Also, I may be a fool, but I haven’t yet failed the “Is it plugged in?” test.

But it’s only a matter of time.

-o.o-

Skeeter Eater

Shimmering billow

sings in dancing air currents

insects heed the call

-o.o-

Okay, here’s something to ponder: what does a spider web sound like when air stretches it and makes it vibrate? Can the insects hear it? And if so, does the sound lure them closer? Or is it just too quiet?

Perhaps if I ponder it a bit, I’ll start hearing DoJo’s soundtrack…

Where the Water Breaks

Trouble with repairs

is once you start, tough to stop

stranger, have mercy

-o.o-

Ramblings below

On Forgiveness

This is one of those weird dream/ rumination/ thoughts about God kind of posts, so as usual if you’re interested in this sort of thing, keep reading. If not, there’ll be the usual photo and ‘ku later.

*

Epiphany

There before my eyes

a tiny part of the veil

was lifted. I saw.

-o.o-

No portrait today, I’m afraid. I have some catching up to do, and on top of that my choir is giving a free concert this evening (if you happen to be in or near the East Valley this afternoon, details below:

click to enlarge)

which means I have a deadline.

Anyhoo, my haiku was not being merely cryptic. For those who are interested in discussions about God and such, read on. For those who find it all rather silly, pay no attention to the mad ramblings after the jump; it’s all nonsense, anyway. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have a lovely weekend!

Folding

Ben over at OC at Sea has a new post up today which got my mind rolling a bit (hope you don’t mind, Ben – I’d have left this as a comment but it’s longer than my usual comment, and not entirely on topic with your story; also, this idea has been germinating in my head a while, and it’s time to move it to a bigger pot), and suddenly I’m off on a metaphysical tangent. If you like this sort of thing, read on. If not, wait a little and I’ll have a new photo and haiku later.